Performing La Mestiza by Ellen M. Gil-Gomez

Author:Ellen M. Gil-Gomez [Gil-Gomez, Ellen M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Sociology, General
ISBN: 9781351819442
Google: yLU4DwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2017-10-06T03:30:04+00:00

Ginger is also actively interpreting Audre seemingly by methods other than verbal communication. Instead of seeing the uncertainty that Lorde highlights, Ginger sees her quite differently:

Ginger, on the other hand, was convinced that I had everything taped. She saw me as a citified little baby butch—bright, knowledgeable, and secure enough to be a good listener and make the first move. She was sure that I was an old and accomplished hand at the seduction of a young divorcée. (133)

This indirect communication and these varying attempts at interpretation, are originally scary for Lorde because it makes her confront herself and her own construction of herself. Because she does not have any experience as an “out” lesbian she does not know what to do. However, when Ginger asks her outright if she is gay the consequences come into their full focus for her. Lorde describes her feelings thusly:

“Look, it’s no big thing.” She took a deep breath. “Are you gay or aren’t you?” She took another deep breath.

I smiled up at her and said nothing. I certainly couldn’t say I don’t know. Actually, I was at a loss as to what to say. I could not bring myself to deny what I had just this past summer decided to embrace; besides, to say no would be to admit being one of the squares. Yet, to say yes might commit me to proving it, like with the vodka. And Ginger was a woman of the world, not one of my high school friends with whom kissing and cuddling and fantasizing sufficed. And I had never made love to a woman before. Ginger, of course, had made up her mind that I was a woman of the world and knew “everything,” having made love to all the women about whom I talked with such intensity. (135)

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